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Saturday, August 28th, 2004
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1:36 am
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For the uninitiated, I leave for college tomorrow.
Just as this journal marked a new chapter in my life (recovering from my first fallout with love), that chapter has ended. It's been played out. With the lines spoken, the curtain falls.
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) sojourninmantua
A new chapter begins, a new book opens. New lines are read. New players prove their worth. The curtains arise and, while the play continues, a new buzz is in the air. This is something altogether different.
~~James
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| Thursday, August 26th, 2004
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2:39 am
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| Wednesday, August 25th, 2004
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2:17 am
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First, Craig tells me that my LJ is too whiny. (Which, let's face it, it is.) Then, Katie tells me that *gasp!* she's put off by my LJ's negative attitude.
So I fed my LJ code the programming equivalent of ecstasy and this is what it gave me.
No worries, kids, I fixed it.
~~James
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| Tuesday, August 24th, 2004
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2:50 am
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All the Gmail accounts I offered were taken. Thanks!
~~James
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| Monday, August 23rd, 2004
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1:42 pm
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I hate my life! It's so awful! Everyone around me is stupid and I wish they'd all shut up and leave me in peace.
</sarcasm>
But honestly. Craig told me last night that I whine a lot in here. I don't like to look at it as whining, per se... maybe just existential bitching. It sounds more refined that way.
Aside from a wee bit of anxiousness, I'm doing just fine. I'm beyond ready to leave for college. June and July were busy busy busy months, but August went by very slowly, this week being the slowest of all. There's just nothing to do around here, really. I've been here for 15 years now and I'm ready to go discover elsewhere.
I went to a party this week. Pretty much everyone there had smoked up before I got there, so I felt like I was invading a stoner gathering. I figured maybe I'd go have a beer to loosen up, but there were none to be found. Potheads are entertaining as long as they actually move around and do things and emit the stupid banter that they're known for. Since none of these were available, I left early. No sense in sitting around lonely (and not drunk) for a couple hours. Nothing like feeling positively alone in a party full of people you know...
My parents are both on the rag today, which I find amusing. They're both bitching at me about calling back this lady at Millersville school store (which I'm going to do - I have no desire to be poor in college if I can help it) and my mom is flat-out lying in order to make her story more convincing to my father. This is an absolute joke. I can't wait to get the hell away from Bucks County.
I saw 24 Hour Party People just recently and enjoyed it. (However, I kept being reminded of the Dead Milkmen song "Instant Club Hit"... you'll dance to anything.) Having God come down from the heavens and tell the main character that he should've signed The Smiths was just fucking hilarious. I bought it on the sole fact that it was directed by a fellow Winterbottom, and it was actually really good. Also, I picked up Salinger's Nine Stories and a spiffy little book to write stuff down in, to be left permanently in my companion (my messenger bag). Unfinished paper is so cool to write on, so substantial. I'm about four seconds away from picking up albums by Joy Division and Tears for Fears. ('80s music kick, go!)
Anyways, I'm in a great mood. Talk to you all later!
~~James
current music: "Love Will Tear Us Apart" by Joy Division
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| Sunday, August 22nd, 2004
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2:51 am
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So I have a 100% chance of shagging a dude! Awesome! Those are just the odds I wanted.
~~James
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| Saturday, August 21st, 2004
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7:22 pm
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3:38 am
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| Friday, August 20th, 2004
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4:50 pm
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| Tuesday, August 17th, 2004
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2:39 am
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Waking up next to myself after a rigorous night of sex... with myself... is so hot I can barely take it. Though masturbating with handcuffs on must be a serious pain in the ass.
~~James
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| Sunday, August 15th, 2004
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6:33 am
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So life's really kind of funny, in a very nice way.
My mom always said that sometimes, when you can't sleep, it's because you've got a lot on your mind. I've got a ton on mine.
6:30 in the morning, and I run to post in LJ in my sleepless haze.
I want to sleep. Badly.
Too bright out, now.
Bye.
~~James
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| Wednesday, August 11th, 2004
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10:17 pm
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So there I am, laying in bed, my little Care Bear gasping either for oxygen or the sweet release of death as I crush the little guy in a hug that's less loving and more eviscerating. My room looks very much like Renton's room from Trainspotting (The Happiest Movie Ever About Heroin Addicts©); mattress exposed, hallucinations crawling on the dark walls, a broken boy lying helpless in the center of the cold bed.
Katie, it's not that you're a mistake. Letting you go so early and frequently, treating you badly when we were going out, not being satisfied with all the great things I had... those, those are the mistakes, and all of them are my fault.
I've never missed, truly missed, anyone, not a soul in my whole life. You, dear, have the distinction of being the first.
~~James
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6:36 pm
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"Album of the Year" has to be the best CD I've heard in about 3 months or so. It's certainly the only album in my rotation. The more I hear it
Today has been a slowslowslow day. I've spent it reflecting on lost loves, the many girls that could've been "the one," and my current(ly unfulfilling) situation. Of course, this was all before I talked to the two girls I used to call "my love" - this, of course, was pleasant and unexpected, but made the day seem a lot longer than it has really been.
It also dragged me down a bit, but that could just be me. It probably is just me.
I feel awful for letting her get away without ever telling her I loved her. ::sigh::
I wonder if I can get out all my angst by the time I'm 21, then just spend the rest of my life drinking and forgetting, like an expatriate author.
Enough of this.
~~James
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2:01 pm
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| Monday, August 9th, 2004
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12:52 am
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It was a long weekend. Perhaps too long. And, sadly, I was not drunk for most of it.
I get to have foot surgery tomorrow. Pray to whatever you believe in that they don't have to amputate my feet. Boy, would that suck.
Tired. Sleep. Bye.
~~James
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| Thursday, August 5th, 2004
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6:00 pm
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::giggle:: Completely true.
~~James
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3:14 am
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3:05 am
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I did my good deed for today. I know what it is, and one other person will, too. Everybody else will forever be in the dark.
So I had a bit of a revelation! I mentioned a bit ago that my road to sanity was paved with denying me pleasures. Well, you know what? FUCK that. I'm 18, soon to be 19. This is the exact time in my life for hedonism, for Wildean fantasies, for a bit of debauchery, for getting my heart broken by someone else for the first time. I'm ready and I've been ready. I'm fucking invincible. Weak, sure, but at least I'm weak and immortal.
I think I'll give her a call tomorrow and see what she's up to, what she thinks of me nowadays. If it fizzles out, then fine, I'll live. If it doesn't, I'm up for a little excitement.
My love is worthless to everyone, anyway, so at least I can make sure that people know it's available.
Relationships are for those who *love* getting boxed in. I'm living free, just like I always wanted to.
I'm in such a great mood. I'm the man. ::pats self on back::
'night!
~~James
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| Tuesday, August 3rd, 2004
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2:26 am
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I'm feeling better, which is nice.
I'm doing better at DDR, which is nice.
I have wires which my computer needed, which is nice.
I let the floodgates burst and now life is easier, which is nice.
Catharsis.
~~James
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| Monday, August 2nd, 2004
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4:00 pm
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